yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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