im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
