we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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