If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
