i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
