i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
