Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
