I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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