Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
