I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
