Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
