How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
