I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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