I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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