You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
