Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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