i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
