I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
