Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
