idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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