I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
