ya dads aren't the best wingmen
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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