Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
