Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
