I'm really into asian looking animals
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
