Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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