I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
