Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he shaved USA in his pubs
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is the high leading the old right now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
