my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
