im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
