you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
