apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
