did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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