i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
