Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
