Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
