Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We are all done wearing pants today
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
