bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
