You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
