I wish I could teleport
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
