Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
