can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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