The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
