we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
