This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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