feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
