I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
