im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
