what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
