Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
