guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
