So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
