I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
