well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
