Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
