Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
