1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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