I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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