I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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