Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
